Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
