so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
