Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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