it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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