just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
