Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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