i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
