why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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