When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
this boner is exhausting
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
