I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
