Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
