dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
