Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
