Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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