what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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