i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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