dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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