i may or may not be watching the land before time
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
