Your face is a jimmy john
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
