forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
