it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize