omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
