I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
