I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
