Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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