I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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