I'm going to jail i love you
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
