Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize