I want to stick my p in your. b.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
