:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize