My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
