he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
