mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
