Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
