I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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