What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
