I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You can't special order awesome
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
