You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize