omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize