i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
