That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
