Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
