Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
