dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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