I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
