yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
