reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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