Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
time to smoke my breakfast
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
