Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
