Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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