It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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