He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
