Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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