Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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