Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
