he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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