yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
