Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
