She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
