When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
