Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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