She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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