she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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