there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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