I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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