I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You need a sexual gate keeper
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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