fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's the barista slut.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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