i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
