He is an equal opportunity slut.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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