I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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