ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
