There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
