this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
