I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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