is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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