Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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