don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize