my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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