I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
