you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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