Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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