My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
