how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
