brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize