i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
