Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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