well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
