I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
