I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
