I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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