dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I need to calm my uterus...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
