I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize