Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
