i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
