Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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