i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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