The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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