I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
