Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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