Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
