Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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