Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
