two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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