Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And then he peed in my hair
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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