Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
