I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
